Ok. Somebody needs to tell me what the deal is with guys who wear tights when they ride a bicycle. Every morning when I go into work at my summer job, I have to see one of my fuckwad coworkers come waltzing in wearing his “riding outfit,” which consists of skin-tight black stretch pants and a tight red stretch shirt that even David Lee Roth wouldn’t be caught dead in. This idiot looks like he should be working the PBR tent at the renaissance festival, and he has the nerve to act smug about it? When I asked him why he comes in here every day looking like a community theater reject he said “You need the tight pants because they have padding in the seat.”
Look pal, you already have too much padding in your fat ass. That’s why you need exercise, dickbag! But that doesn’t mean that you have to dress like a demented circus clown on a three-day bender. I ride all the time. I have a freakin sweet Kline roadbike with clipless pedals and all that cool shit. But I wear normal clothes like a normal human being, and so should you. Go fuck yourself!