Why is it so !@#$ Cold Outside

I thought global warming was supposed to turn us all into fried bacon. So why am I freezing my ass off in Illinois on May 25th? I call bullcrap on this weather. I should be outside right now, enjoying the heat and smoking a fine cigar. Instead I’m sitting in my little room and bitching [...]

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An Impromptu Poem

Asshat
There once was a man from CassWho’s head was a hat for his ass.When he went to the bar,the girls near and farsaid “thanks, but no thanks, I’ll pass.”
MF

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What the Fuck is Wrong with You?

Ok. Somebody needs to tell me what the deal is with guys who wear tights when they ride a bicycle. Every morning when I go into work at my summer job, I have to see one of my fuckwad coworkers come waltzing in wearing his “riding outfit,” which consists of skin-tight black stretch pants and [...]

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Sunday Sing Along. Special Edition

So I’ve been sitting around the house feeling all depressed and sorry for myself. I won’t burden you with the intimate details of my problems (receding hairline, no money, my abject inability to attract women etc.)
I got tired of playing “Always Something There to Remind Me” on my itunes. So, I figured I would record [...]

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I Don’t Want To Hear Your Goddamn Music, Asshat.

Here is something that pisses me off: I’m trying to support the blogging community by clicking on the ‘next blog’ button and reading whatever comes up. Suddenly I come across a blog that starts blaring shitty music out of my speakers…. My Freakin Speakers!
Now I know that you want to share your favorite band with [...]

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Announcing the new Official Muse of il Compendium

Every blog needs to have a muse, a beautiful woman who inspires one’s thoughts. So…DAT DA DA DA. Meet the official muse of il Compendium:
You guessed it. It’s Erin Esurance, the talented, and beautiful, animated spokeswoman for Esurance. I don’t even know what esurance is. I think it’s like car insurance or something. All I [...]

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IC Mailbag and Sunday Sing Along

Hello everyone. Looks like it’s time to dip into the mail bag once again and see what people have to say. Here is an interesting letter I recieved earlier this week.
Dear Il Compendium. You seem to know a lot about love, so I hope you can answer my question. I have been trying to get [...]

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Poem

You will be happy to know
that I am not fantasizing about you tonight.You are not wearing the black shirtthat shows off your neck.You are not wearing the blue dressthat makes me crazy
and I think I can be forgivenif I picture you,just once more, in your grey coatand your black boots.

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Exam Week

Y’know. Love is a little bit like a final exam. You spend a lot of time preparing for it. You do your homework: you flirt with pretty women. You study them day after day. You..um “practice” (though I don’t think a lengthy description of that is warranted). Anyway at this point you are quite [...]

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Fouts’s New Passion

so it’s late Sunday evening and I’m sitting out on the back patio and surfing the internet on the wireless connection..Sweet. But really I am indulging in my newest passion: Pinot Grigio.
I realize that pinot grigio is not exactily hard core as passions go. It’s not Coltrane or Cubism. Ah, what the hell. It’s been [...]

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